You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
