I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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