I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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