My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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