YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i think i just lost a toe
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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