it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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