I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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