is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
