I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
