you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
