i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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