Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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