i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So apparently I’m into choking now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
