Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
