About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
