I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
