Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
