TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
