I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
