I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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