the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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