her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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