I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
