you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
