I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
