He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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