R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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