I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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