You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
