hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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