My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
