I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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