Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
