I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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