Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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