My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
