I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
