she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
