I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
