can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
