I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
