i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
