he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
