I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
