THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
