Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
