i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
