I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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