You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
