oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
