i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
