Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
