it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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