you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
dude. I can hear the air.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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