i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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