Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
