every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize