i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
