If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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