I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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