you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
