Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
