I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
