Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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