She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
how does that bad decision feel?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
