You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
