That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So squirting runs in the family.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
