Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
