Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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