so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
