So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
