I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
