it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
