Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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