how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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