Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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