can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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