You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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