Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
