we have officially lost it.
I am puke
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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